I have been back at a “favored” sin–the one where I run before the Lord and rely solely on myself. When things feel urgent, balance can become a thing of the past, like staying up way too late last night to finish the post I was working on. I wanted to finish it so badly that wisdom took a back seat, but even worse, my obligations to the most important relationships of God, my family, others, and myself were inappropriately sacrificed throughout the course of the day.
Run not before Him
I was reading Elder Uchtdorf’s talk, Of Things That Matter Most, and he suggests in turbulent times to slow down. My instinct is definitely the opposite: to get frantic, to work harder, longer, and take over important established patterns with my current urgent needs. I sense that I do need to make a change and slow down; I’m desperate to not be over scheduled, but I am afraid. Afraid things won’t be ok…yet in acting out of that fear I make it so. Because they really aren’t ok when I’m stressed, exhausted, and disconnected.
Even my therapist said in a session once that when I feel that urge to go faster maybe I should see it as a red flag and do the opposite. Why is it so hard for me to let go? Like expressed in the Christian phrase, “Let go and let God.” I do believe Him to be wiser and more powerful and loving than me, so why do I try to keep everything within my limited control? I think this is a principle for the “loaves and fishes” life study I’m working on. God can multiply our loaves and fishes best when we do things in wisdom and order, together with Him.
The words to a song I love come to mind:
1. Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;
Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.
Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak,
Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.
2. Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be;
Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.
3. Take time to be holy, let Him be thy Guide;
And run not before Him, whatever betide.
In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord,
And, looking to Jesus, still trust in His Word.
4. Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each motive beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love,
Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above.
How to refocus
Another article I read advised that in busy times it can be helpful to set goals. Goals can seem like just another thing on our plate but actually they can help us zero in on what’s important. I want to try to set some but make them realistic.
Oh also as I’m writing I recognize what it is I am afraid of. I am afraid I will accomplish less and let myself and others down. Maybe it is time for a new affirmation to add to my Think Up playlist. “When I am built upon the rock, I am more, not less.” ❤️
Goals
- Attend the temple once monthly by myself or with others.
- Hold a weekly planning session for 30-45 mins each Monday. Include relationships, such as extended family and ministering, in the planning. Keep Mondays free from any added appointments.
- Spend 20 minutes each day before 1:00 in quiet study and prayer
- Plan and execute family dinner each night we are home (can be simple food, the idea is that is one of our core times together)
- Plan a monthly one on one child/parent date with me on the first calendaring meeting of each month
- Do one thing for the business each day
- Plan and hold a nightly transition time with Miles
- Find one moment each day to make a positive imprint of. Name the emotion and what it feels like.
- Be in bed by 10:20 each night
I think that’s enough to focus on for now! I will be trying to slow down! ❤️ So hard not to run myself ragged for my family, but I hope one day I’ve reversed the habit of running out ahead of Him.