Mama Musings: I Accomplished “nothing”

The title of this post isn’t some shiny clickbait, it’s how I was actually feeling. As a mom with 4 young children, it’s easy to feel like I spend tons of time and energy doing things, yet somehow accomplishing very little. Plus, if you know me, you know I often think I can fit about 5 days worth of work into one.

Happily for me, a notification I got on my phone helped me see that I’m making more progress in various areas of my life than I think. Turns out small efforts overtime accumulate–even when done inconsistently!! Consistency is ideal, but in mom-life it isn’t always possible. If you came upon this post today, this may be your sign to keep pushing forward, strive for frequency over consistency, and give yourself credit for every possible victory. That’s what I’m going to do.

“Duo” helped me out

My husband and I are adopting from Haiti. 3 middle-aged kids heading our way in the next year, and I would love to be able to speak their native language with them. I want this sooo badly, but I don’t always feel like I put enough effort in. In December, a little notification popped up in the DuoLingo app I’m using that said “2023 year in review”. My thought on seeing that little pop-up was,

‘I’ve accomplished nothing,’ accompanied by a sad, sinking feeling.

I’d had DuoLingo on my phone all year, and sometimes worked a little bit on learning Haitian Creole (shout out to those Duolingo learners who have 1 year+ streaks! You are superheroes). There’s no way my year-in-review was going to be good. Resigned, I clicked on what I anticipated to be a dismal representation of my dim effort.

I was shocked.

Guess what “nothing” looked like?

Top 3% of language learners.

622 lessons.

28 hours learning.

Hundreds of new words.

93% average score.

The whole time I was convinced that I was doing “nothing”, I was actually succeeding. This is a huge deal to me. I can feel like I’m failing but actually be succeeding?? YES!! Those little bits of 5-15 minute practices done some days but not others actually produced significant results!

I could do a little happy dance right now. I took this happy information from my efforts at learning a language and looked for other areas of my life to reexamine. In what other areas do I think I’m “failing” but I could be succeeding??

Weight loss came to my mind first.

Slow weight loss still counts

Trying to lose weight can feel like a long trek through heavy sledge. It often feels like you have to try SO HARD to get BARELY ANYWHERE. This time around it weighs especially heavy on me (I had to), as I was obese before getting pregnant, so now I have the baby weight to shed AND another 40 pounds. Though I have made some progress, it is tempting to think that same-old ‘I’ve accomplished nothing’ because I am still quite heavy.

But guess what? Under this lense of ‘nothing actually equals success’, I found the same result as in my Haitian Creole practicing.

This year I lost a total of 24 pounds.

I look way different than I did in the first months after having my baby.

My 8-month weigh-in graph shows a steady charted course towards my goal (the pictures are mine from the weight loss app called Noom).

The first graph illustrates that not every month resulted in a resounding success. That picture looks like how it feels most of the time. But just look at that 8-month graph. I. AM. DOING IT.

So once again, in a full busy life where small efforts in a 1,000 places feels like it’s not resulting in much change, a closer examination reveals that there is a lot of progress worth celebrating.

This was getting fun now. What other ‘underaccomplished’ areas of my life could I look at?

Making progress at home

My thoughts turned to our home. This is another area where I feel like I spend a lot of time and effort, but don’t see the results I’m hoping for. I dream of a clean, clutter-free, peaceful home space. Sometimes it feels impossible to get there, especially when it comes to clutter in our 2-bedroom apartment with a family of 6.

I put this area of my life under the same microscope. Ok, so I haven’t “arrived” at my ultimate goal. That sounds familiar. But do I have successes that I haven’t been giving myself much credit for?

Yes. 🙂

Here are some of our family’s accomplishments that deserve a minute in the limelight so I can bask in their glow:

We adapted several systems to work better for our family

• dishes
• folding the laundry
• cleaning up after dinner
• picking up throughout the day

Our kids do way more than they used to

• bigger chores
• cleaning up after themselves
• Saturday Clean Up
• Picking up/helping at a parent’s request

Random accomplishments

• Rearranging furniture for a more spacious atmosphere
• Several loads of items to the thrift store
• Healthier approach to letting items go when no longer needed
• More organized spaces

I can see that it is easy for me to discredit the positive when I still have a long way to go. But…if we’re always seeking to improve…won’t we always have somewhere farther to go? I think it’s important to both strive for growth AND notice the good that has been happening. I am grateful for the progress we’ve made in our home.

Laying Foundations: Money, Motherhood, and More

There are many areas of my life where I found that my lackluster accomplishments held more value than I assumed. Challenges in motherhood, entrepreneurial hopes, finances, and spiritual growth all contain evidences of improvement, accomplishment, and personal dedication. If I take one thing from this blog post with me for the long run, I hope I remember that the incremental work of small steps overtime is really getting me somewhere. In this season of my life, I respond to a lot of daily household and parenting needs. I ought to be gentle and trusting of myself, and confident in my ultimate success.

One thing is for sure: the next time I think I’ve accomplished “nothing”, I’ll be checking again.