One of my favored affirmations is “I have limitless resources to support me”. Knowing that God has limitless resources, and He is willing to support me, is what makes this statement true. I often find comfort in the phrase, but one night last week it didn’t resonate in the same way.
I wasn’t feeling great
I was tired, sick with a cold, and heartsick over the prospect of adding 3 more children to our family. I love them so and want to care for them, and become their mom in every way, but I am often at the edge of all of my resources–finances, energy, time, patience, you name it. A new thought had started to worm its way into my heart…that I wished I was done adding any more kids to our family. If we could stop right here, with 4 children, things would get easier as I served them and grew in capacity. When I suddenly add 3 more with life trauma and a host of needs I don’t yet see, I am sure to have things get harder for awhile.
‘I want to be done,’ I kept thinking to myself.
On this particular evening, watching my bravery start to crumble, I tried to lift myself up with my affirmation:
I have limitless resources to support me.
It failed to buoy up my spirits and in my head–which was stuck on the day-to-day grind of responsibilities–I retorted,
“Heaven’s not going to make me dinner.”
Later that evening
Later I was crying and sharing all of these vulnerable feelings with Miles, knowing they weren’t great, knowing they needed to go, but also feeling like they were a bit stuck. As we spoke I understood that the ‘I want to be done’ phrase was not my thought, but the adversary’s, who had taken my current exhausted state and spun it into a deceiptful storyline.
It helped a bit to see it but I was still sad and feeling unsupported. Then in the midst of my tears one of my kids ran downstairs:
“Someone’s at the door,” she said.
I gave Miles the ‘will you go answer the door for me?’ eyes. 👀
“Someone’s at the door,” she continued, “with groceries!! It’s one of the adoption people!”
Suddenly I knew who was at the door. It would be one of my dear friends who is also adopting from Haiti. She would be the one to serve in this way.
I went upstairs, tears and all, where I found her there with sacks of groceries.
“I was in the area for my son’s soccer game,” she said, “so I thought I would stop by. I hope this is ok, I didn’t want to overstep, I just thought, ‘I like groceries!'”
I gave her a huge hug and she noticed that I had red eyes.
“Oh, are you sad?” she asked.
I nodded, “I just feel so stretched.”
“Well,” she replied, “you are!”
I then took the opportunity to share just how meaningful this was that she had showed up on this precise night. There was a frozen lasagna, and burgers, and bread and milk and cheese, and my family’s favorite cereal…as it turned out, heaven had brought me dinner. And not only that, but it was this particular friend so intimately connected to our adoption who had brought it. I wouldn’t even know her if we weren’t adopting, and I am so grateful that she is in my life. It was just the reasurrance that I needed that we were on the right path, that we are supported, and that I am loved. In fact when I told her of my “Heaven won’t make me dinner” thought–and subsequent exhaustion–and then this happening, she called it a love letter. ❤️
Continuing blessings
For 3 days after the incident we continued to be offered food by friends and family. The next day one of Miles’ former mission companions who owns a ranch brought us several pounds of beef. The day after that a family at church offered us their leftover chili from an activity, an entire giant crockpot complete with shredded cheese and sour cream. The next day my mom mentioned that she had several apples for me from her neighbor’s tree.
A few days after the food coming, a friend brought us some hand me down clothes, items for the entire family.
Maybe it’s true after all that because of Christlike friends and the love and attention of the Lord, I really do have limitless resources to support me.
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