I’ve got 3 approaches for you today on where to begin with adoption: Logic-based, Intuition-based, and Story-based (In the story-based section I include the personal story of how our adoption journey began. It’s a wild beginning!). In considering the diversity of readers that might end up here, I recognized that not everyone will be coming from the same starting point, or looking for the same type of information. However you got here, I hope that you will find any direction you are searching for.
Logic-based: Begin your adoption with pragmatic decisions
To begin the process of adoption, you will need answers to several types of questions. As you skim through the list below, you may notice that each question will naturally lead you to a starting point, often times research that needs to be conducted. As you answer these questions and take the subsequent actions that make sense, you will be taking the first steps towards adoption! Each small movement counts, and may lead you to the next right thing. ❤️
- Have I discussed the potential of adopting with my spouse or others who will be closely impacted by this decision?
- What type of child am I hoping to adopt? Are there certain groups, organizations, or agencies that are most likely to match me with the child I am hoping for?
- Am I considering foster care?
- Will international or domestic adoption suit my family best?
- Do we want to pursue private adoption? Or adoption with an agency?
- What adoption agency/agencies might we reach out to?
- How will we gather the funds needed to finance the adoption and subsequent well-being of the child?
IMPORTANT POINT: You do not need to have answers to all of these questions as you begin. Many aspects of an adoption will be figured out as the process unfolds, such as finding more funding, the age, number, and traits of adopted children, and the precise agency or country from which you are adopting. As you move along, you will be connected with friends, professionals, and even websites (wink, wink) that will help you along the way.
Once you’re satisfied with your answers to any of these questions, begin by reaching out to a grant company, adoption agency, foster care agency, etc. You can begin a dialogue well before submitting an official application.
Intuition-based: Begin your adoption with trust and insight
I am certain there will be those of you reading this who know you need to begin the adoption process. There will be that unmistakable tug at your heart, or a thought that occurs to you over and over again. Maybe you are drawn to images of vulnerable children. Maybe you are blessed with a desire to do good for as many children as you can, or for children with special needs. Maybe a friend or family member’s adoption made you curious. If any of these describe you, if you have that knowing, you might also have an idea on where to begin!
Trust yourself.
Move ahead, even if it doesn’t make much logical sense, even if the questions above made you squirm with discomfort. Trust yourself, even if friends or extended family think you’re crazy…even if you think you’re a little crazy! There is no one who understands the call like you do.
Start anywhere, it doesn’t matter much. If this story is meant to unfold for you, it will.
I promise as you proceed your support circle will appear. When the case worker assigned to do our home study walked through our door the first time, I loved her forever. It was as if we had been friends for decades, but only reunited just now. Pray, work, sacrifice, believe, and watch the journey unfold. Heaven and earth work together to bring these children home.
Story-based: Begin your adoption by hearing others’ stories
Sometimes it’s through the experiences of others that we find our own way. You may want to begin your adoption here. What stories resonate with you? How do they inspire you to move ahead? For a beautiful collection of short adoption stories, I recommend my friend Bonnie’s book, Gathering Israel’s Children (sponsored link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases). The first-person accounts that she put together display love, admiration, and purpose.
This also seems like an appropriate place to share the beginning of our family’s adoption story. People often ask me, “Did you always know that you would adopt?”
In a way, I did. I remember telling my mom long ago–before I was married–that I wanted to adopt someday. Adoption had been placed in my heart for a long time. It also entered our family’s journey way sooner than expected.
Have you ever had a deeply impactful dream? One that you knew meant something?
I woke up on the morning of May 16, 2021, with a dream in vivid detail impressed on my mind. I also knew exactly what it meant. We needed to adopt. The following is my journal entry I recorded the same day:
The dream went like this: There had been an event of some kind where a lot of people had come through. Some family members and I were standing in a backyard, where we noticed–to our surprise–that a circle had been dug out of the yard, leaving only a sandy soil behind. Lying in the center of the circle was a baby. He was only a month or two old, somewhat dark-skinned, with incredible dark brown eyes. His legs and arms looked much too skinny, and I was surprised that he did not cry.
“This looks like a death circle,” I remarked to the others with concern. We knelt to look at him and found some papers detailing personal information. I was drawn to his eyes. I looked into them and in an instant, saw a vision of the man this baby would become. Tall with black coily hair, he stood dressed in a suit in absolute majesty. His face was full of strength. Goodness was a part of his countenance. It was a privilege to see how this frail baby would grow into himself, nothing lacking.
I wondered if this was meant to be my baby. It was at that point in the dream that my mom remarked, “I think this is your baby”. I said, “I think so too, although I’m afraid to get too attached in case…” She gave me a sympathetic look. I saw another thick piece of folded paper a few feet away, and opened it up to reveal an immunization record.
“What happened?” I wondered and saw another impression, this one, as far as I understood, of the baby’s father. On his face was a constant look of worry. I saw him angry at another little boy. I saw him fight with an adult. I saw problems and anger and fear. I could sense that he loved the little baby, but did not feel he could care for him. My heart went out for his difficulties.
All of these things happened in only a matter of seconds. I scooped down and picked up the little baby. He felt bony but comforting. Holding him felt instantly right. I knew he was to be my baby.
I turned to start walking up the hill from the bottom of the yard to the top, but when I looked the whole yard had been turned to a heavy dark grey sand. I sludged up the hill, and the farther I went, the harder it got. Towards the top of the hill I was sinking in up to my knees. ‘Why did they change this all to sand?’ I thought, and then got woken up.
I knew the dream was from God because it had a vivid quality to it that I recognized from other dreams He has used to teach me, as well as an accompanying conviction of truth. The minute I picked up that baby he was in my heart. He is there now. I understand from the dream that there is a baby (either now or soon) who needs us, and that the difficult journey to bringing him home will be like slogging through the heavy sand.
It is painful to me now to be loving that little boy and not knowing how or when I can bring him safely home. I suspect I won’t feel totally at peace again until he’s with me.
In many ways this is an impossible task, although the thought makes me smile. God has no problem with impossible tasks. Miles seemed really excited about the whole thing and I said, “You’re taking this well. You’re not overwhelmed?” He replied that He likes getting instructions like this because it means things are about to move. It makes me excited too when I think about it. We can’t possibly pay for it. We probably wouldn’t pass a home study. Our family is still learning to get along. I can barely handle the stress and tasks of my current life. And yet…if this is where Heavenly Father is urging us to go, we will be able to go.
I have the hardest time trusting myself to be up to the task. I feel like I’m already sort of underperforming in all the areas of life that need my attention. But I do trust Heavenly Father. If He can make a house appear for us to welcome a baby then He can make Christlike attributes appear in me as well. I need to consider my own well-being and growth as part of what Heavenly Father will help take care of. ❤️
In praying to understand anything else about the dream, I thought immediately of Operation Underground Railroad. When I told the dream to Miles he said, “What about Operation Underground Railroad?” 😊 So we will start there. If we take steps, the sea will part. Welcome little one. We will find you.
It didn’t take us long in considering O.U.R. to remember that they have a sister company called Children Need Families that offers adoption grants. I reached out to them first, and at their direction received advice on which adoption agencies to consider that would meet their criteria. We did eventually receive a grant from them. We also received continuing revelation that led us to change our paperwork and consider adopting 3 children. On December 1, 2022 we were matched with 3 beautiful children from Haiti. When I saw the low-quality photo of the youngest boy I recognized him. The boy from my dream.
In Conclusion
Some beginnings are grand, some are small. Some are directed by God, some simply of our own choosing. No matter the start, the journey to adoption is worth the effort. That long slog up the hill in thick mud from my dream is an apt description for how this process feels. But one day there will be a banner picture on this blog of all of us together, my long-awaited children at my feet.
So amazing what you are doing with this website Jessica, thanks for sharing! Your story and example are incredible. What an amazing gift your dream is! ❤️ We’re rooting for you guys and pray your babies get home soon!!
Thank you Andrea! I look up to you and your family for your vision, insight, and hard work. This comment and your prayers mean a lot to me. ❤️ Thank you for reading.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey of faith and adoption with us. I love the way you express yourself. It gives me hope that we’re doing the right thing. I just love you! ❤️
🥹 Thank you Val! I am blessed to know you! I am praying for your family often! I look forward to meeting your kids. You are such a brave, beautiful person.
What a lovely story and it is wonderful to have people like yourself who can help and give meaning to a child in need. It takes a special person to adopt a child, and it is a lifelong commitment.
On the other hand, fostering can also be rewarding, but how difficult it will be to say goodbye to those children when they leave.
With adoptions, are the biological parents allowed any contact with their children after they have given them up?
Hi Michel, great question! It depends on the type of adoption, and what rules come into play, as well as the preferences of the birth parents and adoptive parents.
Most international adoptions are closed adoptions, meaning there is no contact. We do hope to be able to reach out to our children’s birth mother after some years have passed if possible.
Many domestic adoptions can be open adoptions, where biological parents still have an active part in the adopted children’s lives! This can be a healthy and rewarding option. I have some friends who have adopted children in an open adoption and they are grateful for the sustained connection to the birth parents (especially the birth mom) for their children!
In the past almost all adoptions were closed, but this has been changing to allow more and more openness and communication.
Hello Jessica,
Very nice website. This sure is a sensitive subject and of course one to give a lot of thought to before proceeding. After reading your site I realized that before adoption, people need to consider various factors including emotional readiness, financial stability, and lifestyle adjustments. Research different adoption options such as domestic, international, or foster care adoption, and assess which aligns best with your circumstances and preferences. One should be prepared for emotional highs and lows, and understand the lifelong impact adoption may have on all involved parties.
Thx!
What a heartfelt and inspiring exploration of different approaches to beginning the adoption journey! The three approaches address different perspectives and personalities, offering different roadmaps for those embarking on this path. Here’s my take on each approach:
Logic-based: This approach provides key questions for someone to explore if using a more methodical approach. I particularly appreciate your emphasis on not having to have all the answers right away, encouraging readers to let the process unfold naturally.
Intuition-based: Trusting one’s intuition is a powerful guiding force, especially in matters as deeply personal as adoption. Your encouragement to listen to the inner callings and nudges towards adoption resonates deeply. It’s reassuring to know that sometimes, despite the lack of clear logic or rational explanation, following our intuition leads us exactly where we need to be.
Story-based: Sharing personal narratives, like your own, adds a profound layer of authenticity and relatability to the adoption journey. Your dream, vividly recounted, exemplifies the divine guidance and unwavering faith that often accompany this process. It’s incredibly moving to witness how your dream set the wheels in motion for your adoption journey. I currently have goosebumps and am near tears after reading your personal story.
We have had many friends over the years go through the adoption process and, although it was different experiences for each of them, they are all united by the commonality of love in the end.
By offering multiple entry points and perspectives, you provide invaluable guidance and support to those embarking on this profound and rewarding path. I look forward to enjoying that banner picture of your family that you have promised!
Adoption, from what I’ve heard, can be more tough than people realize. So I think many have experienced all of what you’ve discussed without knowing it because inevitably, there’s going to be some influence from three distinct mental approaches: logic-based, intuition-based, and story-based. It’s hard not to be affected by all three, I would think. Would you have any suggestions on how to keep self-awareness enough to know which is taking over more than it should? I’ve considered adoption many times, but the mental gymnastics of going about it seem quite daunting. Perhaps it is just the dream and divine guidance that helps the most. Or perhaps it is more of an exercise in trust? You mentioned how important that is.
Hi Jessica, Thank you so much for sharing this insightful article about starting the adoption process. Adoption is a multi-faceted journey that requires both practical considerations and emotional preparedness. I appreciate how the article breaks down the various approaches one can take. I’m particularly interested in the story-based approach. It’s encouraging to know that there are communities out there ready to share their experiences. Also, I’m curious about the intuition-based approach. It’s so important to listen to our inner voice, but I can imagine it might be challenging to differentiate between intuition and fear or anxiety when embarking on such a significant journey. Can you recommend any specific online forums or support groups that have been particularly helpful to prospective parents? Do you have any tips on how prospective adoptive parents can better tune into their intuition during this process? In the logic-based approach, do the legal requirements, costs, and timelines vary greatly between domestic, international, and foster care adoption? If so, in what ways?
Again, thank you for this incredibly informative piece. It provides a great starting point for those considering adoption.
Hi Jessica,
I was truly moved by your “Adoption Q&A: Where To Begin With Adoption” article. The blend of intuition, and personal storytelling provides such a comprehensive guide for those of us at the start of this journey. Your personal adoption story, in particular, touched my heart deeply, offering both inspiration and a sense of divine possibility. Could you share more about how you navigated the challenges during the early stages of adoption? Thank you for your work and for sharing such a deeply personal and informative piece.
Best regards,
Max